Top 20 funniest quotes about England

“I’m English, and as such, I crave disappointment. That’s why I buy Kinder Surprise. Sometimes I even eat the toy out of sheer desperation. Bill Bailey

“In England, if you commit a crime, the police are unarmed and neither are you. If you get caught, the police will simply tell you, « Stop or I’m asking you to stop again. » » »Robin Williams

“The ability of the English to apologize for something they didn’t do is remarkable. »Henry Hitchings

“The English are not very spiritual people so they invented cricket to get a sense of eternity. »George Bernard Shaw

 » What ? A Sunday morning with an English family and no sausages? God bless my soul, where is the world going! » Dorothee Sayers

« Well you’ll be happy to hear that scientists have finally explained why we’ve endured such a disappointingly long period of time. » Apparently… we live in Britain. »Hugh Dennis

“In the Bible it rained for 40 days and 40 nights and they called it a flood. In England, we call it summer.  » Unknown author

“To eat well in England, you have to have breakfast three times a day. W. Somerset Maugham

“In an online poll, England came last. We’ve been ranked very low against other European countries because of the quality of life and things like the weather, of course, late retirement, often poor holidays, public services that aren’t much better, a dying health service… England is basically a kind of ungodly gray wasteland full of cold pies and shattered dreams. Bill Bailey

“The English are not happy if they are not unhappy. »George Orwell

“The sun does not live in England. He comes here on vacation when we’re all at work. Benny Bellamacina

“I’m leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it’s not raining. » Groucho Marx

“In England, the art of conversation consists in knowing how to be silent. » Pierre Daninos

“England’s cuisine is in its image: surrounded by water. » Pierre Daninos

“In England, it’s easy to know if summer is finally here: the rain is getting hotter. »Tim Harrold

“The English don’t like being told ‘bon appetit’. They will enjoy their meal only if they feel like enjoying it. It is therefore advisable not to tell them such things, just in case they have other plans with their meal such as not enjoying it. » Angela Kiss

“England doesn’t have a summer. It has a continuous autumn with some variations of a fortnight here or there. »Natasha Pulley

“The English rain feels obligatory, like paperwork. Maureen Johnson

“Only in the English countryside would a violent death seem comfortable. » Liz Williams

“On average there is a change of accent every 25 miles in England. »David Crystal